Tea with Mycroft & Caulson
by silvereign
Summary: Mycroft Holmes ans Agt. Philip Caulson of S.H.I.E.L.D. meet for tea. What would they say to each other?


**Author's Note:** this was written as a response to a prompt in the "Sherlock BBC meme" on LJ. It was a funny prompt and I decided to give it a go. Obviously AU, since The Avengers movie has already come out and nothing that I've written in this fanfic has actually happened in the film.

**Disclaimers:** Everyone belongs to their respective owners. I'm just playing with them for my twisted fun.

The office was luxurious, maybe too much. It spoke of wealth and social status. Philip Caulson was accustomed to more aseptic settings. But he was not complaining, and despite his feeling a little out of sorts in such a rich environment, he was not showing any emotion, except a courteous and polite smile.

He looked intently at Mycroft Holmes, the man who could give him what he wanted.

"I think you know who the Avengers are. We tried to keep the team secret, but I bet you know better than me how these things tend to get out of hands sometimes".

Mycroft Holmes nodded, with the certainty of someone who knew how these things went all too well.

"Yes, I know who the Avengers are, but I fail to see how they are related to me or my Country".

Agent Caulson lifted an eyebrow.

"Well, sir, despite being an All-american team, they are saving the World, and your Country as well".

Mycroft looked unperturbed, and, if Caulson was a lesser man he would be utterly intimidated.

Truth was, Caulson was a badass, if he could say so himself, and he was rarely intimidated. After all, he lived among the most powerful beings on the planet.

"However, we plan to rectify the All-american part. We would like a british citizen to join us, and for this we need your full support."

Mycroft pursed his lips.

"And who would this British citizen be?"

"Your brother."

If Mycroft was a lesser man, he would have started laughing like a maniac, waiting for the cameras of "Prank*d" to show up and reveal the joke.

Truth was, Mycroft was called the ice-man for a reason, and he had put up with Sherlock for so long now that he barely raised an eyebrow in questioning.

He rose from his chair and took a teapot, pouring tea into two cups.

"So", Mycroft started, in a serious tone. "Let's see if I got this correct. You want my brother to join your little brigade of super-heroes. Sugar in your tea?"

Agent Caulson shifted a bit in the admittely too large and uncomfortable chair in Mycroft's study.

"No sugar, thanks". He politely smiled. "And yes, we want mr. Holmes to join the battle against our enemy". He took the proffered cup of tea from the other man's hands. "I can honestly say we need him".

"You are aware that Sherlock is no super-hero, right? I can concede that he's strong, he practices boxe and some ju-jitsu, but he is more likely to join your enemy, if he's intrigued enough, rather than save the world. He does not care for the sake of humanity. He does not care for anything else but the thrill of the game".

Agent Caulson opened his pad, and began to quietly type on it.

"Yes, we did a little research on him, and we know that he's a little", he raised his eyes to meet Mycroft's, "erm... unique. But we also know that there is one man chaining him to sanity and humanity. Do you think this former soldier, this"... he typed some more on his pad, "John H. Watson would be available to join us as well"?

Mycroft sighed. "I'm not sure I am the right person who can convince my brother. I do hold some past favour over him, but nothing that can justify a push like this. I am not even sure he knows who the Avengers are, I figure he would find you boring as hell."

Mycroft's eyes conveyed the fact that his brother's supposed sentiments in regards to the Avengers were also his own.

"Nevertheless, sir", Caulson's expression was neutral, guarded, but the stress on 'sir' meant he was getting annoyed, "we would really appreciate if you could contact mr. Holmes and inform him about our offer. You can also express your reserves about this project to him, if you like".

He smiled, smugly, knowing that any negative comment from Mycroft about this offer would automatically gain them the man they wanted. Yes. Caulson was the best at what he did, and he always researched his targets. He was aware of the feud between the two brothers, and he knew that Sherlock Holmes always did the opposite of what his brother suggested.

**Epilogue - an hour later, 221b Baker Street, London***

"John! John!" Sherlock called, excited. "Do hurry up. They won't wait for us forever."

A very disgruntled and angry John emerged from his room.

"Well Sherlock, they only gave me fifteen minutes to pack my things. They can wait a little more. Besides, where are we going, exactly? I'm not sure what to bring."

"Avengers Tower, New York".

John's eyes went big as saucers.

"What? Why didn't you tell me before? And what are we going to do there?"

Sherlock regarded his friend with a mixture of annoyance and exasperation.

"We are joining the Avengers, apparently".

"Oh", was John's only answer, as if it explained everything, as if becoming a superhero was a perfectly normal, common thing to do.

He returned to his room and finished packing.

Then, a horrible thought occurred to him, and he rushed back to the living room.

He looked at Sherlock with his most "captainy" expression, then shifted his serious gaze to Caulson, who was sitting in his favourite armchair. "Oh, and by the way, just so that we are clear, I'm not wearing spandex. Ever."


End file.
